I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
