I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
