the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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