i just had sex bonerless
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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