Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
