god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I cockslap morals
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hello my rib-scented angel!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
