We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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