You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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