I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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