Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
