she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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