After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
