well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
