I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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