it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
