just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize