After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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