Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
