Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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