he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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