That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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