Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
