I hate your face
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
