Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I will be naked everywhere
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Who died my cat blue again?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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