Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
