We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
