He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
