I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
