We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
