I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
