have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize