i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
