I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We got so high we made milksteak
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize