You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
