I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
