so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
