The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
