Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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