the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
