if you like me you must not know who I am
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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