Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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