I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
