I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
this boner is exhausting
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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