he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
