I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
