I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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