This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
