What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize