Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
