Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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