Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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