I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
