my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
