cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
