A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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