do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
