im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Me. At least after what I've been through.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
