at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do vagina's smell?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
