That's intense
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
