My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
