im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
