I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
