if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
