Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My vagina is very pro this idea
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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