I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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