A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
