Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize