Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
