someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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