I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize