i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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