the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
