I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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