i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
