and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
